Understanding grief: What older adults and families need to know

⏱ 3 min read, 6 min video

Grief in later life is often layered—shaped by personal loss, changing roles, and sometimes the responsibility of supporting younger family members through loss as well. Older adults may be coping with the death of a partner, sibling, friend, or other loved one, while also helping children, grandchildren, or others in the family navigate grief.

Understanding how grief works, and how it may show up differently across ages and relationships, can help you make sense of your own experience and better support others. In this video, family physician Dr. Erin Gallagher explains grief as a natural but complex response to loss and highlights when additional support may be helpful.

View or download transcript.

Key Takeaways

• Grief is a natural, non-linear process that changes over time
• Everyone experiences grief differently, shaped by factors such as culture, age, personality, supports, and the nature of the loss
• Older adults may face layered losses while also supporting family members across generations
• Children and teens express grief differently and need tailored support
• Around 1 in 10 bereaved people experience prolonged grief and may benefit from professional support
• Adults can play an important role in modelling healthy coping for children and teens

What is grief? (and how it changes over time)

Grief is not a disease to be cured, but a natural emotional, physical, and psychological response to losing someone or something important. It does not follow a predictable timeline and is experienced differently by each person.

While the pain of loss may never entirely disappear—because the love for the person remains—the way we carry grief often changes over time. For many people, it becomes lighter, allowing space for adaptation, meaning, and joy again.

How grief affects your body, mind, and emotions

Grief is a "whole-body" experience. It impacts us across several dimensions:

• Physical: You may experience fatigue, headaches, stomach upset, or changes in sleep and appetite.
• Cognitive: It can affect concentration, mental energy, and the ability to manage everyday demands.
• Emotional: Common feelings include shock, irritability, anger, anxiety, and guilt.
• Spiritual: Grief can shake your sense of security, faith, and how you make sense of the world.

How adults can support grieving children and teens

Adults in a caregiving or supportive role may find themselves helping children and teens through loss while managing their own grief. Understanding that younger people often grieve differently from adults can make that support more helpful.

Children and grief

Children often experience "bursts" of grief. They may show intense emotion or behavioural regression one moment and be playing happily the next. To support them, Dr. Gallagher suggests focusing on the "Three Cs":

1. Cared for: Ensure they know they will continue to be looked after.
2. Contagious: Clarify that death is not something they can “catch.”
3. Cause: Reassure them that they did not cause the death of their loved one.

Teenagers and young adults

Teens often experience intense and shifting emotions and may feel more comfortable opening up to peers than to family members. They may also worry about how a loss will affect their future. Adults can help by keeping the door open—letting teens know they are available to listen whenever the young person is ready.

Normal grief vs. prolonged grief: When to seek help

For many bereaved people, the most intense pain of grief gradually softens over time as they begin to reconnect with daily life. However, around 1 in 10 bereaved people experience prolonged grief, in which grief remains especially intense, persistent, and difficult to integrate into everyday life.

Signs of prolonged grief (persisting for a year or more in adults) include:

• A constant yearning or preoccupation with the deceased.
• Feeling that life has lost its meaning or purpose.
• Avoiding all reminders of the loss or feeling emotionally numb.
• Difficulty performing normal routines or re-engaging with social activities.

If you or someone you love feels overwhelmed by grief for a prolonged period, or is having difficulty functioning or finding meaning again, reaching out to a healthcare professional is a positive step. Professional support may include grief-focused counselling or other evidence-based therapies, depending on the person’s needs and situation.

Learn more about this topic with Supporting Bereavement in Later Life: What Older Adults Need to Know.

Practical ways to cope and support others

While grief unfolds differently for everyone, some practical strategies may help people cope, feel supported, and make space for remembrance and adjustment over time:

• Create Memory Rituals: Writing letters, lighting candles, or creating a memory box can provide a meaningful space for expressing emotions and remembering the person who died.
• Stay Active: Physical activity, such as walking, stretching, yoga, or cycling, may support well-being, reduce stress, and help re-establish routine.
• Lean on Community: Reaching out to friends, family, faith communities, or support groups can reduce the sense of isolation that often accompanies grief.
• Maintain Routine: Especially for children, maintaining a sense of normalcy provides a foundational sense of security.

To learn more about memory rituals, read Therapeutic rituals to overcome grief.

Children often learn how to respond to loss by watching the adults around them. When adults express emotions openly, maintain routines, and seek support when needed, they model healthy coping and resilience.

Helpful resources

For age-appropriate resources, consider visiting KidsGrief.ca, YouthGrief.ca, or MyGrief.ca for support tailored to different ages, situations, and types of loss. These resources may be helpful whether you are grieving yourself or supporting someone else through grief.

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Important disclaimer

This content discusses symptoms of grief, including suicidal thoughts. If you or someone you know is in need of services or support, help is available at any time through Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline. Call or text 9-8-8, or visit their website at 988.ca for more information. Learn more about mental health supports at Canada.ca.  If this is an emergency, you can also call 9-1-1 or go to your closest emergency department.